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ERRORS

"Windows 98 is a buggy browser on top of a 32-bit extension and graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."

"We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."

Vaporware. Rogue Error Messages. Blue Screen of Death. Sabotaged Java. Windows Everywhere. Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt. Undocumented APIs. ActiveX. Embrace and Extend. Issues. Dancing Paper Clip. Office Macro Viruses. Integration. Anti-Trust Violations. Bob. Hype. CPU Tax. End User License Agreements. Wintel Duopoly. Bugs.

Have been used by Microsoft today?

"Hello, tech support? I just installed Windows95..."

Windows95 is crash compatible with Windows 1.0, 2.x, and 3.x.

Windows 95 really does have pre-emptive multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.

Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

"Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!"

Buy a Pentium 200 so you can reboot faster.

I don't hate Windows - it runs great under OS/2!

The Microsoft Motto: "We're the leaders, wait for us!"

"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" -- Bill Gates, 1981
"Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM." -- Bill Gates, 1996
"Nobody will ever need Windows 95." -- logical conclusion

If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah.

Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.

In a world without fences who needs Gates?

My Beowulf cluster will beat your Windows NT network any day.

Get it up, keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC.

A truly stable environment would be a concrete basement with no windows! Computers are no different.

MS and Y2K: Windows 95, 98, ... and back again to 01

Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off.

Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]

I'm not a programmer, but I play one at Microsoft.

If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait, he does.

I'm still waiting for the "Honk if you hate Microsoft" [bumper sticker], but that might get annoying, everyone honking at you.

ERRORS?

Windows Error: CPU too tired to continue.
Windows loaded. System in danger.
Nonexistent error. This cannot really be happening.
Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
Mouse not found. Press mouse button to continue.
Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.
Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now in every file.
Blackmail Error: Send $200 to Gates or your computer will get so messed up it will never work again.
You just changed the location of an icon on the Desktop. For this change to be permanent, you must reboot the computer now.
Please insert the floppy disk labeled Windows NT Installation CD-ROM into Drive A:.
Who is General Failure? And why is he reading my hard drive?