Click here to return to the Main Quotes Page

Quotes from "De-Kahnstructing Henry"
Written by Paul Lieberstein
Directed by Klay Hall

HANK: I don't need a promotion. As assistant manager of Strickland Propane, I'm already at the top.

KAHN: I new systems manager.
MR. STRICKLAND: "Systems manager?" Hell, I like the sound of that. Debbie, that's your new title.
KAHN: No! She not in systems! You disrespect important job!
MR. STRICKLAND: Well, I can't imagine anything more important than what Debbie does.

KAHN: I call France on this phone whenever I want. France Europe, Huckleberry!

KAHN: Now prepare your brain for razzle-dazzle!

KAHN: Get off my company's property!

HANK: Dale, are you posting our conversations on the Internet again?
DALE: Conversations -- no. Actions, whereabouts, your mowing schedule -- no comment.

PEGGY: You know who's responsible for gossip? Gossipers. You are nothing but a Chatty Cathy, Hank. A giant 200-pound Chatty Cathy.

MINH: Something like this only make us appreciate how many things we have. How many, many things.

UNEMPLOYMENT MAN: I'm sorry, sir, but your previous employer has filed an objection. Under "reason for dismissal" they checked "other" and wrote in "treason."

CHUCK MANGIONE: Hey, man, I'm having a concert this Sunday -- could I put up one of my posters in your window?
KAHN: Get out before I three-hole-punch your face.

KAHN: I can't help you! I can't help any of you stupid people! "How does this machine work, Mr. Kahn?" "How do I print?" "How do I save?" It "Control-S," you morons! It always "Control-S!"
MANAGER: All right, Kahn, that's strike three. You're fired.
KAHN: Three? That only two!
MANAGER: I heard what you said to Mr. Mangione.

CONNIE: Oh, Bobby, pretty soon we'll have a secret language we can speak in school.
MINH: No, Connie, I teach him Southern dialect. He not the same class.

HANK: Peggy, is it my fault he makes people hate him? I don't whisper in his ear every morning, "Be a jerk." That comes from within.

MINH: This not the first time Kahn fired. Orange County... Portland... Mississippi, for God's sake!

PEGGY: Yep.
NANCY: Yeah.
PEGGY: M-hm.

PEGGY: What would you do if Dale suddenly left you high and dry like that?
NANCY: Oh, sug, I wouldn't get out of bed for a week.

BILL: It's like he's got two families. Two families! I think that's unfair, when some of us don't even have the one.
DALE: I'd think he likes being bossed around by women if I didn't know better, which I don't.

KAHN: I not go home without new kick-ass job. I show you. I get new job that make you cry every day.
HANK: Kahn, I love propane through and through, but okay, I'll give you this: your old job was something else, okay? Now go home.
KAHN: No! I can't fail! This not supposed to happen to me. I'm Asian, for God's sake. More expected of me. You not understand. You somebody's worker bee. If I accept your redneck life, it like I bury myself alive.

MINH: I'm not moving again. People here grudgingly accept us. That's rare.

KAHN: Are you laughing, or crying because of my great new car? Six CD changer in trunk!
HANK: In the trunk? Well, if you need any help installing it in the dash, let me know.
KAHN: It supposed to be in trunk. It play CDs in trunk.
HANK: Why? Who's going to want to ride in the trunk?
KAHN: You wish you could ride in my trunk! My trunk so plush it like movie star trunk!
HANK: You got me there, Kahn. My trunk is not like a movie star trunk. It's more of a family man trunk.
KAHN (quietly, after Hank is out of earshot): Thank you, Hank.

Click here to return to the Main Quotes Page