| [291] CHAPTER XVI. NOTES BY THE WAY PROMOTION. "What God decrees, child of his love, Take patiently, though it may prove The storm that wrecks thy treasure here; Be comforted! Thou needst not fear What pleases God." "'I like the man who faces what he must With step triumphant and a heart of cheer; Who fights the daily battle without fear, Sees his hopes fail, yet keeps unfaltering trust That God is God; that somehow, true and just, His plans work out for mortals." AFTER the manner described in the foregoing chapter I busied myself till the year had worn away and the time for holding General Conference had again rolled round. The building committee had authorized me to go to Kirtland and solicit aid for our new house of worship. Just before leaving home my wife asked me if I remembered the statement I had made one year before about going to Kirtland and being promoted in the priesthood. I had hoped she had forgotten it. But out it came, and I tried to excuse the reckless statement [292] by referring to the condition I was in at the time of uttering it. She feigned an acceptance of the explanation, and soon I was on the way East. Some power seemed to be at work to prevent my getting even to that conference, for the evening I left home my oldest child fell from a high swing and lay unconscious for some time, then recovered only partially. The impulse was to telegraph for me to come back, and so the neighbors advised; but my wife's faith prevented this break upon my journeying, and secured my boy's recovery also. To attend a conference within the walls of the old Temple was a privilege indeed to me and I enjoyed it immensely. The Master was there, and his presence was felt to a gracious degree. In answer to the prayers and fasting of the Saints our heavenly Father made known his will concerning several matters and four of the brethren were called to the office of an apostle, James W. Gillen, Heman C. Smith, Gomer T. Griffiths, and myself After action upon the revelation by the quorums in regular order and then by the assembled body, we were called upon to express our feelings in regard to accepting the office. To me it was a serious moment [293] and all I could do was to tell of the evidences already referred to in this life?sketch and then commit myself to the will of the body, This was done and no claim was made by me as to the divinity of those testimonies that was left for the conference to decide upon after hearing them. By unanimous vote the revelation was indorsed and the ordinations ordered. Elder Heman C. Smith was not present; but the other three were set apart on the following day and began at once to participate in the quorum sessions and share the responsibilities attendant upon this sacred and important office. Thus ended for me the peculiar pleasure of attending General Conference. Thenceforth it was to be work, work, work, but how consoling to know the work was for God. Were it not for this one fact I would not have held the office more than a year, for our very first action in preparing an epistle placed us under suspicion with many, and though it was the result of Much prayer, deliberation, and earnest effort, yet it was made to take on features .of intention that were never dreamed of by those preparing it. This suspicion was limited to a few, I have reasons to believe, but whether or not, it mattered but little?our responsibility was to [294] God who had assigned us the place, and with him and the day of final accounts in view, I had performed my humble part therein. I had been in so called solemn gatherings in other societies, and had associated for eleven years with Saints locally and generally?in public and private; but never in my life had I mingled with a body of men who seemed so absolutely free from a disposition to coerce or persuade one another. I thank God that my knowledge of those brethren authorizes the statement that never have I met a more independent, sincere, God?fearing, and nobleminded company of men. Like myself, they may fail and fall, but until I see in them the reverse of what they have yet displayed, I shall never believe them capable of any quorum action with sinister design. The reader will please pardon this voluntary defense of self and associates; but I have believed my brethren entitled to it. Before the close of the conference I was administered to by Brn. Joseph Smith, W. W. Blair, and J. H. Lake, and my health improved quite perceptibly thereafter. Two years before this my mother and stepfather had moved from Canada to Detroit, where he had engaged in business. Failing to accomplish his ends, he had moved thence [295] to Chicago. Worn out in body and broken spirited, mother had remained behind. She was just beginning to learn what I had known for years in regard to her husband. He was utterly unreliable as a business man and unworthy the confidence of a heart as true as hers, Leaving Kirtland, I went at once to Detroit, where my worst fears regarding her were realized. Upon her face were the unmistakable marks of care and sadness. Her hair was silvering fast, and as I met her at the gate of her residence, I scarcely knew her for a moment. She had not written me all, but I read it in a moment when I looked into her face. For some months she had lived there with my half?brother, the only living child of her second marriage, earnings her own bread, while her husband revelled amid the gratifications offered in a distant city. More I shall not add. Let God reveal it in the end and be as merciful as he can to the man whose perfidy has crushed as true a heart as ever throbbed within the human breast. After some persuasion, mother consented to move with me to Independence, Missouri, so we packed up her goods and started thither, accompanied by my half brother. They remained with us over a year, during which [296] time I baptized them both. Not feeling at home in so small a place as Independence, after spending her entire life in a large city, and being unaccustomed to the ways of western people, she decided to return to Toronto, where she has remained till the present, and where I visited her while on my way to the Eastern mission in the fall of 1890, and on my return in 1891. From that time (1887) till the conference of 1890, held at Lamoni, my mission was Missouri and Kansas. Local matters, such as have already been referred to, prevented much travel on my part. I sought, however, to get everything of a temporal character into such shape as to admit of permanent service abroad when once I could leave. My health varied much during this time. At times it seemed that my hope of final recovery was vain. My nervous system seemed almost shattered, and it was only with considerable effort that I plodded along, helped by the prayer and faith of kind Saints. I engaged in the publishing business with the idea that the arrangements would admit of my leaving at any time when the church so advised. Some changes took place later that made this difficult and I found myself hampered more than ever. It seemed impossible [297] to get free. I was impressed on one occasion that when the time of necessity for departure came the way would open and I should see the Lord's hand in it. This gave me a degree of comfort and made me more patient. At the Lamoni conference referred to, without any suggestion or request from me, I was relieved of the special burden I had been bearing in connection with others of the branch building committee, by the Bishopric being authorized to take hold and direct or oversee. When asked by the First Presidency as to my preference of field for labor I refused to express any. Wherever they appointed I would go, for I had finally reached the conclusion that my duty was to move out, and I was determined to do it, if I lost everything in the effort. Now that the church burden was lifted I was ready for any sacrifice of a personal kind in order to honor my calling. The Eastern mission was named for me, and after conference had closed I returned home to dispose of everything that hindered me and prepare for the ministry service forever, wherever it might be appointed. It took me some months to accomplish this, and even then the loss entailed made it impossible for me to go forth free from [298] property incumbrance. However, I resolved to go, and let all waste away if it must. I would trust God and never again leave the ministry on account of those things, unless he commanded me to do so. Thus I left home September 29, 1890, for Boston, Massachusetts. On the 11th of March, 1887, 1 had been invested with additional responsibility and honor by the arrival of a brand new boy upon whom we fastened the name of Alma Clark in addition to the parental surname to be carried by him while he remains mortal. This was a circumstance of special interest, or at least the writer thought so at the time, and the little fellow has tried his best to emphasize the idea ever since. He seems to feel under perpetual obligation to furnish the house with abundant music and sensation, without consultation as to class or volume. Granted the correctness of his conviction in this regard and he has been faithful in a phenomenal sense, as all who visit there can readily attest. More could not reasonably be required of him. May he live to as faithfully fill the sphere unto which our hearts' love has consecrated him for the future. During the three years just referred to, the Independence branch continued to grow, under [299] the presidency (for the most part) of Elder (now High Priest) Frederick G. Pitt, whom the Lord had, a few years before, wisely and kindly directed to move and settle there. While I believe that many men are qualified for offices as presidents, I believe that this brother was specially qualified and had been disciplined peculiarly, till he developed into the very man for the place, and God took him out of Illinois and dropped him in Independence at the right time to do the work for which he had been thus equipped. Those who have not lived there do not know it, perhaps, but almost every species of biped that has ever been brought into direct or other contact with any phase of Latter Day Saintism, has had its eye on that city and through some kind of representative or another has made itself felt, sometimes inside and sometimes outside the branch membership. To keep a cool head, maintain a steady hand, and carry a tender heart throughout all the attending "seances" required considerable wisdom and grit in the presiding officer. The membership had increased beyond the five hundred mark (now seven hundred and fifty) and, like all other large branches, it had elements within it that needed directing, and [300] those needing it most were generally least willing to acknowledge the fact or consent to the process. The writer has frequently been "called to answer" to the charge of some irate individual for preaching things which trespassed upon the sacred territory of his practices or methods. Oh, how they would kick! We have sympathized with their devoted feet on a number of occasions; but reward and recompense came in witnessing the improvement among even these as time passed along. The slovenly ones learned that it was possible to be clean without being "tony," and the haughty learned that it was possible to be humble without being low minded. One learned that it was possible to be of soft speech without being insipid and another learned that it was possible to be frank and candid without being impudent and boisterous. A few learned that it was quite possible to find a true friend in one who differed most widely from them in judgment, and others found that a man's motive might be as good as gold while some of his acts were questionable. Some found that there were Saints not up or abreast with themselves in the intellectual or moral scale, who, nevertheless, had traveled farther than they themselves had [301] since starting out, and were to that degree better illustrations of gospel potency and virtue than were they. Some learned that just as one man possessed the faculty by which he could make a dime go farther than another could a quarter, so in spiritual experience, God gave less to one than another in the way of open manifestation, because he already possessed a faculty to enlarge upon and utilize, and that faculty required development, while others, destitute of the quality referred to were oftener visited, and "more abundant honor was bestowed upon that part which lacked." Many learned that an abundant display of open manifestations in certain persons was not so much a certificate of God's approval of their course as an evidence of their inability to endure without them. It was a donation to meet a necessity rather than? a reward of merit. Sometimes we give a man a dollar because he has earned and deserved it. At other times we have given a dollar to a beggar because he badly needed it, regardless of his actual past deservings. So, I believe, God frequently does with Saints. Some people grew wealthy outside the church while others, with the same income [302] and no larger family remained poor. The poor ones became jealous and talked about their "stylish neighbors," who owned a horse and thumped a piano. Our good Saints thought this was wrong in the "naughty Gentiles," for the wealthy ones, they said, had secured their competency by economy, sacrifice, and abstinence from many indulgences the others were not willing to forego. Yet when these good brethren and sisters saw a choir of good singers making heavenly melody as they blended their trained voices with the eloquent strains of an instrument deftly swept by educated and skilled fingers they pronounced it "highfalutin'," and looking through green eyes upon such work they pronounced it a “bilious business," too rich for saintly blood. Others looked upon some who had started with them from the same strata of intellectuality and morals; but who had outstripped them in the race, until the tallow candles of former days were now gas jets or incandescent lights or even arc illuminators in the church and to the world, while they themselves remained just where they had sat down and folded their arms when the gospel light first touched them. They sat there, whining about the "importance" and the "swell airs" of the [303] brethren or sisters who had heeded the counsel to "come up higher." If one of those luminaries when preaching or writing happened to flash a ray of gospel brilliance over the spot where the complainer sat and expose the mustiness of stagnation, it would bring out a reply that was intended as no compliment to the fellow who was parading his "smartness" and swinging his lantern. A little girl was once sweeping the floor of a room into which the sunlight was streaming through a large window, and on looking up she noticed that within the space where the streak of light crossed the room the dust was floating thickly. Going over to the window she drew the blinds down and darkened the room. When asked why she had done this, she answered that she wanted to exclude the sunlight because it made the room so dirty. She did not think that the dust was already filling the air, and that the sun's rays only revealed it more clearly. So the stagnant one who complains at the success, triumph, and ability of another, whose efforts have raised the blinds and let in the light upon conditions already existing, tries to have the blind drawn and the Spirit shut out, because the light when let in "makes the room dirty." They forget that the distance between those [304] whom they criticise and themselves in spiritual force and influence like that between their wealthy and poor neighbors, whom they have passed judgment upon, is but the measure of sacrifice, devotion, diligence, endurance, patience, and charity in the advanced ones. By dint of these all may climb, if they will, at least to that eminence where jealousy cannot live; to that point where delight is felt in lending a shoulder to help another go where we cannot yet climb; that point where Christ is esteemed as the one character resplendent with perfect light and glory and all brethren and sisters who have reached positions where as reflectors of his radiance, they can send rays here and there of helpful intelligence, are loved and admired for the places they hold and the righteousness with which they occupy them. These things came to notice and the Independence branch, as a training school, had work to do under these conditions. Every progressive step had to be taken carefully, so that the effect might not drive away those for whom the benefits were mostly intended. Quite a number learned that as much good could be accomplished by waiting God's time of adjustment, as by crowding things prematurely in the settlement of disputed questions, [305] that God had not lost interest in his work but intended to "hasten it in its time" and not ours. A host of us learned that quicker and more successful work in securing the Holy Spirit could be done by purifying the heart and life so that the Spirit could not remain absent, than by neglecting this important matter and spending the time in clamoring for the Spirit in prayer. Nor was the writer exempt from the necessities or benefits of such revelations and training. As he learned he taught, and as he taught he felt the responsibility to do; but he grew with the branch's growth and he developed under the mortification produced by snubs and the humiliation caused by failures and mistakes, as well as the joys of association. He learned that his business was to take as willingly as he gave advice and criticism. He learned that his religion was likely to bring back to him in confidence and esteem of the Saints only the amount of the value of its fruits in the markets. If he practiced his professsed faith, he was rewarded by the confidence and love, ultimately, of those who were benefited by his work, though the genuineness and practicability of his ideas and methods might be temporarily questioned. [306] He learned that before making an attack upon practices, doctrines, and methods he disliked, it would be better to stop long enough, at least, to think how he would feel, if he was the one holding the position attacked. He learned also that it was much easier to erect standards for others than to live, up to them himself. He found it harder to develop a virtue than a vice. As in nature so in man. The flower must be cultivated, tenderly handled, and protected against threatening surroundings. It is easily marred and quickly ruined, while the weeds grow up unsought, uncultivated, and can scarcely he destroyed. Our virtues need to be developed, watched over, and maintained against the odds of environment and Satanic visitation, while vice asserts itself at nearly every step, and grows in the neglected character, and cannot be downed and eradicated by a single effort or series of efforts less than life long. But a short time ago a brother who was undergoing a siege of testin , said to the writer: "If I could make my calling sure and be a true Saint forever, as the result of a great effort for a month or even a year or two, I would then be more certain; but this every day, every hour, every moment, watching, [307] fighting, and enduring idea makes me tremble for the outcome." God has made the length of life the period for character forming, and so long as there remains new beauty in Christ, so long will there be an unattained virtue to develop or extend in the discoverer. Our Holiness friends tell of the perfected state to which they have attained, but the writer believes that virtue is developed by resistence to the evil presented. That the Devil will continue to present evil till the terminus of earth life is reached. That so long as the Devil works, resistance will be necessary, either to produce, develop, or maintain virtue; that till the battle ceases and the field is canvassed, results are not absolutely certain ; that no character or possessor of virtue can claim "perfection" until the last test designed has been endured and nothing comes forth from the crucible but "pure gold" carrying upon its face the reflex of divinity, the Christ photograph. I may know what I have done today, but I know not how I may act tomorrow. New tactics, new scenes of attraction to decoy, and greater force may be introduced to bewilder and overpower me, and my very certainty of being able to stand to?morrow because I stood yesterday and today (if I so argued) [308] may prove to be the unguarded door through which my ever watchful enemy may enter and pollute my spiritual estate "Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." My observation during fifteen years of gospel ministry has led me to so conclude, and let me here state that my most convincing testimony of the divinity of this latter day work has not come by tongues, or prophecy, or vision, or miracle; but in the gradual revelation of its strange adaptation to human necessity. In no instance has human exigency cried out for God, under the canopy of this gospel protectorate, without hearing the answering "Here am I" in some divine provision, formerly undiscovered, perhaps, but hidden wisely to await the emergency which would demonstrate its amplitude and utility, and in no place and at no time have I had better opportunity to witness this infinite adaptation than while at Independence. Not that my field of observation was limited to that place and the people there ; but because in addition to local presentations, events transpired which led me to look far back over the church history and far around outside of any city or town, and trace the divine processes in selecting men and women of varying quality and disposition for places and pur [309] poses of his work, and the methods introduced for their development. During these years I saw the sick healed on a number of occasions, I discerned the operation of adverse spirits, I heard many things testified of by Saints of every degree; but beyond and above all these gracious manifestations, there was a silent force operating and I traced it in its unheralded transformations, transitions, and achievements in human character, worldly attitudes, and church fortifications. One thing further I learned to believe that God never forgets "God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." Jacob played the deceiver's part when he covered his hand and brought the goat's meat to his blind father, calling it venison, and thus received the blessing of the firstborn. He may have repented of his wrong later; but there came a time when his sons brought a coat of many colors, dripping with blood, to him and deceived him regarding his darling Joseph. He cheated his Brother Esau out of a blessing which was his by birthright, and he seemed to enjoy the result of his falsity and deception ; but there came a time when, after he had toiled seven years for the object of his [310] affection and believed she was in his embrace (for she was his by right) he awoke and beheld the contraband Leah by his side; she had been smuggled under cover of night into his bed. David sowed adultery and murder and reaped a harvest of adultery and murder in his own household. God has not changed, nor will he be mocked. The Saint who sows to carnal gratification will reap in spiritual barrenness and corruption of character, reputation, and influence. The man or woman who deals in scandal or delights in peddling slanders will likely live to be scandalized. The soul that loves truth will be pastured with truth as harvest for his sowing. The heart that yearns after Christ and delights in the study of his life and character, will, even imperceptibly to itself, take on the beauties of that model nature, and shed a luster and fragrace around that will make the place of its residence heavenly. The child that abuses its parent will most likely live to be abused in turn by its offspring and he who runs to spread a net for another's feet will doubtless have enough to do in time in extricating himself from the meshes of an unexpected snare. I do not write these things merely to parade words before the reader's eyes but [311] simply to say that even in such matters have I discovered a divinity connected with what I have heard Bro. Joseph Smith call "The law of compensation." It is, therefore, the more painful to behold, here and there, the evidences of recklessness in the directions named. In some instances a false idea of modesty prevails, by which even parents are prevented from warning their children against the corrupting influences of what they behold in them, notwithstanding they see all around them the demoralized and imbecile fruitage of such conduct in the generation now fading. While it may be truthfully urged that this autobiography is not the fittest place for such references, it cannot be denied that any minister for Christ who beholds the evil that threatens even the houses and families of Saints in some cases, has the right to cry out anywhere, Parents beware! A ministry of sixteen years, which has taken me from Maine to the Rocky Mountains, has proven to me that even the families of Saints are not entirely exempt from the baneful influences of hidden vice. It is painful for a sensitive elder to see suffering anywhere; but it is peculiarly distressing to be called upon to administer to a young person [312] and to discern that the shattered nerves and lost vitality are conditions which a little wisdom and candor on the parents' part in the years agone might have avoided, or which the suffering one might escape by wholesome restraint of self. In such cases we feel that the gift of healing, by which such persons are sometimes restored, may well be lauded and God's mercy extolled; but if the exercises of the gift of either knowledge or wisdom had prevented the admission of such disease into the system it would have been better, even though none but God and Christ had known that the individual possessed the gift. |
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